Relationship Talk

Tonight my hubby and I went on a date.  Normally, we would have one of the grandparents babysit the babies, but tonight we tried something new and loved it!  Our church has a monthly program for members called Parents Night Out and it allows parents to drop their kids off for a few hours to have some alone time to run errands, go on date, etc.  I really like this because the kids get to play with other kids from our church that are around the same age and most importantly, we trust the cute little grandmas that watch our babies (they are also Sunday school teachers) having the love alive between the two of you.  ats your boat, point is, it is about spending qu.  It also only costs $10 for them to watch both of our boys for 3.5 hours, score!  We will definitely utilize this every month!

I think it is so important for parents to have alone time with one another because sometimes it can become only about the kids.  Do not get me wrong, our kids are our world, but nurturing our relationship with one another is equally as important in my book.  Even when we are unable to go out on a conventional date, my love and I will have, cute home dates once we put the boys to sleep.  Some cute ideas we’ve done are:  ordered takeout and had a picnic on the floor with one another, candlelit dinner, dinner (cooked by hubby) and a movie, game night, drinks and dessert or just plain ole snuggle time while watching a movie.  For me, it is about spending quality time with one another and keeping the love alive.  The way we laugh with one another, have deep conversations and simply enjoy one another’s company speaks directly to my love language of quality time.  If you have not figured out your love language and your partner’s, check it out here, http://www.5lovelanguages.com/.  It really is quite interesting and helps you identify your primary love language. 

You also feel rejuvenated and able to better parent after having some alone time with one another.  I can definitely tell you from experience that kids notice any negativity, which is why we really strive to maintain a positive household.  We are not perfect by any means, but we are continuously learning and growing every day.  For instance, Jon and I were recently snippy at one another because we were on edge from sleep deprivation (our kids hate sleep).  I got on to him for never closing the kitchen cabinets or doors when he opens them.  Instead of asking him nicely for the 100^th time to close the cabinets and pantry door, I went off.  He snapped back with a snarky response and boom, an argument ignited.  Isaac was sitting at his table looking at a book and while we were whisper yelling at one another (you know, trying to be all quiet while firing snippy things at one another), I could catch his glimpses at us and then he asked, “Mama are you happy?” “Daddy are you happy?”  That immediately diffused the situation because we realized that we have little ears listening to us at all times and we want to be positive role models for him in every sense.  We then continued having a discussion about the situation, but with a gentler tone and came to a resolution with Isaac witnessing all of it.  We could have squashed the argument and said we will talk more about this later, but we wanted him to see that yes, people who love one another can disagree and get upset, but they can also talk civilly to one another about it and work on a suitable resolve. 

Having kids does not mean you turn into an “old married couple.”  You continue dating and get creative if obstacles threaten to thwart your alone time with one another.   Be that relationship that your kids will want to have with someone when they are older.  Lead by example because little eyes and ears are always taking things in.  

Disgusting and Scary Experience!

At Ian’s 4 month checkup our pediatrician gave us the okay to start him on solids such as rice cereal mixed with breast milk and then after 5 days a fruit or veggie and so forth every 5 days, introducing a new food into his diet.  I thought okay, this is going to go well because Isaac was such a good eater from the jump.  Well I was definitely wrong!  Instead of rice cereal, I opted for single grain organic baby oatmeal mixed with breast milk.  The first 3 times were smooth as ever, he had 2-3 teaspoons followed by breastfeeding and that was that.  Well around the fourth feeding, we noticed he started acting fussy.  It immediately stood out to us because this is not his normal behavior.  He is usually a chill, happy, easygoing baby.  That is when it began.  Our poor baby started throwing up like crazy.  It was so alarming because I remember he was napping, and then all of a sudden woke up screaming, we picked him up immediately and bam!  Throw up splattered all over our wood floors.  And it was not spit up, this was forceful and a lot!!  It happened two times before we were able to rest easy and that is when I decided to give the oatmeal cereal a break.

The following week, I avoided any solids and then decided to try giving him a little mashed up banana with breast milk.  We fed him about 4-5 teaspoons of it and then I breastfed.  I was holding him, burping him and when I thought he was about to burp, bam!  Projectile vomit all over me!  I was calling, “Jon, help!” “Oh my g…” That is when a whole bunch of his vomit flew in my mouth!  I could not believe it!  I was choking up a storm and retching.  Have you ever swallowed baby throw up?  I do not know if you know this, but I am kind of a clean freak (I am crazy because I have two boys, I know lol), so instead of allowing his vomit to get on the couch I sacrificed myself lol.  I cannot even describe how disgusting that was.  Not only did it get in my mouth, but also in my hair, in my bra, in my belly button, yes, in my belly button.  When I tell you, it was a lot, it was like the freaking exorcism lol.  We were shocked and thought that we needed to take him to the hospital because it was insane!  We waited it out and once he got the entire banana out of his system and was calm, I was able to breastfeed him a couple of hours later.  That is when I was like, you know what, Ian is not like Isaac and his little digestive system is just not developmentally ready for solids yet.  We waited until he was 6 months and since then things have been 100% better!  He is able to eat fresh veggies, fruits and oatmeal mixed with breast milk without any problems thus far. 

I look back at that time and realize a couple of mistakes I made.  I should have gone with my gut and not given into pressure by older people around me.  Ian has a sensitive digestive system and I knew this because getting that boy to poop when he was around 3-6 months old was something else.  He would go days and days, up to 11 days without pooping and I had to take him to his pediatrician to get this addressed.  I will discuss this in another posting, but long story short, people around me told me oh yes, he would do well with eating solids because it will help him poop.  Feed him solids the sooner the better.  Wrong, wrong wrong.  Never again will I give into that sort of pressure.  When you know your child, you know.  There is nothing like mother’s intuition.  I personally think it is a gift from God.  I also thought Ian was like Isaac.  Well you know what happens when you assume! 

Our little Ian is almost 9 months and while he is doing well with foods, we are not going to be exposing him to any island food until he is 12 months or older (we love cooking with spice, gotta have that flava!).  We would rather err on the side of caution this time around than putting our guy through that type of discomfort again.  Lesson learned! J  Oh yes, and I hope to never ever ever have to swallow vomit again lol!  

What is Going on with my Baby??

Even before Ian’s birth, I knew that I was definitely going to breastfeed, just as I did with Isaac.  However, initially it was not as easy this time around.  He was having problems latching correctly and even though I was now an experienced mama, I still requested the assistance of the hospital lactation consultant because they are the professionals, not me lol.  I did not know what I was doing wrong, and instead of it being an enjoyable bonding experience with my little one, it was becoming increasingly painful.  I knew something was amiss because I could hear him making this clicking sound while breastfeeding and he would frequently break latch to re-latch. 

At first I thought, let me just ignore it because I have not breastfed for a year now, so maybe we both just need to get the hang of things.  I would make sure his lips were flanged out, that he had a good grip, he was gaining weight instead of losing and he was pooping quite regularly.  Oh, yes that reminds me!  Another area of concern for us was that even though Ian was pooping, he was not peeing regularly and at first, it really concerned us.  Our nurses would keep track of the number of soiled diapers and whatnot and when we reported that we still did not have a pee diaper, we started to receive some extra attention.  I remember we would change his diapers like please let there be pee.  Day 3 came around, our nurse came in to check on us and to get a record of number of feedings and soiled diapers and we told her still no pee.  That is when we started to panic.  After the nurse left, my hubby and I were talking and trying to figure out what was going on with our little guy.  Then without warning, my hubby stood up and started digging in the trash like a lunatic.  I was looking like what the heck is he doing up in that nasty trash???  Then he exclaims, “Yes!!”  He presented a dirty diaper full of pee (we saw that blue line on the diaper indicating it was wet from pee)!  Turns out he changed Ian’s diaper on the 2^nd night, but was so tired that he forgot there was pee.  You do not even know how happy we were to have that pee diaper. We immediately showed our nurse.  Let me tell you, as a parent, when your baby does not seem like he is peeing, this will worry you, in fact, anything will worry you, so seeing that pee diaper felt like we won a million bucks!  I remember we were cheering, laughing and high fiving like the nerds we are lol! 

Ok, sorry to digress, back to breastfeeding!  I know some women experience dry, chapped, bleeding nipples, but I never experienced that with Isaac.  I remember he had the whole thing down from the very first latch.  I thought, ok, maybe this is what is going to happen to me this time with Ian, I am going to have some bleeding nipples.  I simply could not accept that though, because instead of enjoying the bonding time with Ian, I started to dread when he would latch.  I tried breastfeeding him in different positions, re-latching him, even the lactation consultant tried everything and told me to just keep at it and if I was still having problems to contact them.  Well, even though I was in pain, I toughed it out and breastfed my baby. 

It was not until we took Ian for his first pediatrician appointment the day after discharge from the hospital that we got some answers.  We made an appointment with another pediatrician filling in for our usual guy (He was on vacay) and I really feel like God made it happen that way.  She examined Ian and asked how breastfeeding was going.  I let her know that it was painful this time around and I was not sure why.  She immediately went into action upon hearing this and discovered that Ian had a clipped tongue.  We were like say what?  I do not know about you, but we never heard of this term and all these panic alarms started going off in our heads.  She told us that it was nothing to worry about and one of her kids used to have a clipped tongue.  They had it taken care of when he was a newborn by an ENT doctor in the area.  She gave us the referral and we were able to get Ian to see the ENT doctor the very same day. 

The ENT confirmed what our pediatrician told us and said that she could take care of his clipped tongue immediately in office if we were up for it.  At first I was like ehh, do I want my baby going through another procedure (he was circumcised in the hospital), maybe I should just tough it out and we can struggle together to figure out what will work best breastfeeding wise?  The ENT comforted us, assuring us that she had done this procedure many times on newborns and that it was very simple and baby would be good to go very soon after.  We decided to go for it!

To prep baby for the procedure, they gave Ian a little bit of sugar water because apparently, that induces endorphins in newborns, acting like a painkiller for them, but naturally.  Then they made the tiniest slice under this tongue. It barely bled and he cried for maybe 5 seconds.  I could not bear to watch it done, but you know his dad was all up in it giving me the play-by-play lol!  We were instructed that he would be able to breastfeed normally after that. 

I waited until we got home to feed Ian and just like that, the pain from breastfeeding started fading away!  He had more mobility of his tongue and was able to latch correctly for feeding.  That procedure made all the difference!!  I was still sore from the previous times he breastfed, but I could tell that it was no longer going to be a struggle for either of us.  That $900 we paid out of pocket was well worth it! 

We learned that if you can sense something is wrong or keeps bothering you about your baby, do not ignore it.  It is always best to address any of your parental concerns, no matter how small they may seem.  Each child is different and we have definitely been learning that through experience! 

Next time I will discuss why we had to slow our roll this time around when it came to feeding Ian solids.

Life with a “Spirited” Toddler

I would say from about 18 months until around 2 years and 7 months old we had a very hmm, let’s see how to say this nicely, a spirited toddler.  What do I mean?  Let me give you some examples.  Have you ever been around a very young child who would scream down the place, throw himself on the floor, pull his hair and scratch his face so viciously that he would draw blood?  Yes, this used to be our son lol!  Oh yes, and let me not forget to mention that he would often do this in public. 

This period was definitely one of the most trying times for my hubby and I as parents and even as a married couple.  We would feel embarrassed, frustrated, hopeless, helpless, confused, saddened and the list of emotions goes on.  The tantrums we experienced were not normal, no, they were epic and by the end of each day, we were exhausted!  We had no clue what to do to end this phase.  However, some things we did know was that these episodes often occurred due to our little one’s inability to express himself/communicate fully.  Some more triggers included if he needed a nap or did not get food fast enough.  Can you say hangry?  Moreover, forget doing something that he did not want to do, oh man. 

I remember we used to say this was retribution for how we behaved as young kids because we definitely believe in karma.  I was the worst toddler (cursing, running around in just underwear and breaking furniture when I got mad) and my hubby was a naughty little boy (he burned down his mom’s backyard with a magnifying glass, something he learned in boy scouts).  I definitely had moments of tears and whenever I felt myself feeling out of control, yes, kids will drive you to this point, I would place him in his crib until I had time to cool down.   Our awesome pediatrician gave us this advice when we asked him how to handle situations like this.  He told us never deal with a toddler when you are angry, instead, put your child in a safe spot and give yourself a time out. 

We also tried everything we could to quell these emotional outbursts, from ignoring, to conceding, to time outs, to spanking, to scolding, to misdirection, to bribery, to hugs and kisses and nothing worked, nada!  We just had to wait it out and that would sometimes be as long as 30 minutes.  The only point where we felt the need to intercede was when he would resort to scratching the skin off his face and his gums.  I would cut his fingernails low so that he would have a difficult time inflicting harm on himself and we would put my hubby’s socks on his arms and tie them like a straight jacked until he calmed down.  Nevertheless, he would still dig into his flesh and gums and always make himself bleed.  I remember taking him to music class several times where it would look like a cat attacked his face (we don’t own a cat) or he fell onto concrete and scratched his face up pretty good.  Not only was this embarrassing, but it was also a constant reminder of what we were dealing with every day, several times a day. 

These tantrums started out occurring only once or twice a week, to a few a day!  We were fed up.  It was so bad that even our parents talked to us about possibly taking him to get a professional diagnosis and help.  That was definitely one of the worst feelings.  We also confined ourselves to home during this period because we were tired of having to deal with people’s stares, the judging looks, the embarrassment of it all and the physical effects it was having on us (trying to restrain a big toddler is a serious workout and you become a punching bag).   I recall taking him with me to one of my doctor’s appointments while preggers and they needed to draw blood from me, so he could not sit on my lap. Well, he was not having that and screamed down the packed doctor’s office.  I had to lift him up while he was kicking and screaming and carry him out.  It also did not help that the entire and I mean the entire waiting room stared us down.  After I buckled him in his car seat, I remember starting the car, calling my husband to tell him what happened and bawling like a baby on the phone to him.  That day I went researching on the mommy boards regarding temper tantrums and reading some of the entries really made me feel better and not so alone.  Another thing, having friends who have been there and done that with their kid(s) helps as well because they can offer advice, relate and not judge you or your kid because they know the deal.

We honestly did not know how we were going to be able to handle our sour patch kid (when he was sweet he was so sweet, but watch out for the sour part!) with a newborn.  We were trying to come up with a game plan for my survival as a stay at home mom.  These were some of the ideas that worked for us: 

-We definitely utilized the grandparents!  They are seriously lifesavers and I honestly do not know what we would do without them because they give us the break and help we need when we were at our wits end. 

-We made a fun playroom for our toddler since I was not about to venture out by myself with him with my huge belly and then have to deal with him physically during a tantrum (his kicking, trying to hit, trying to scratch himself and he’s a big boy as well!).  This helped to dispel any boredom and I used this as a play/learn opportunity. 

-Whenever we did have the courage to venture out, we would make sure it was a very kid friendly environment, but also a place where we could bolt out if need be. 

-We avoided taking him out to restaurants. He just could not handle being there, confined and we were never able to enjoy our meals. 

-And one of the most important things that helped was having a routine.  This made him feel comfortable and secure as he has a difficult time dealing with change.

We eventually became desensitized to temper tantrums on a daily basis that having one a day became a treat for us and we considered that a really really good day!  Then something happened that we immediately took note of, our baby boy was becoming more skilled at communicating, expressing his wants, likes and dislikes and as he began talking up a storm, like magic those epic tantrums disappeared.  It was the most refreshing and joyous feeling ever!!  You want to know the best part?  We finally realized it was just a phase, a long one, but one that we eventually became capable of handling by the grace of God.  Being in that situation and failing repeatedly to find a solution and not giving up taught us about ourselves and about the intense love, we have for our little guy. 

These days, he still has his moments because he is still not even 3 yet, but I wouldn’t consider them tantrums, more like whining and I will take that any day!!  As he matures and gains a better grasp on communicating, he is that sweet, loving son we always saw despite his monstrous blowups.  And before I forget, the way we currently handle discipline issues is by taking away the things that he loves (pacifier, backpack, shoes, blankey).  All we have to do now is say, “I’m going to take away your sneaker shoes,” and he gets his act together (he calls his sneakers, sneaker shoes lol).  That boy loves him some shoes!  In the beginning, we had to follow through and do it to prove that we were not playing around, so now when we say it, he knows we mean business.  Spankings do not and never worked on Isaac, he is a rough and tough kid and would just take it like a G and afterwards give you a look like, Pssh and what.

It has been a long and arduous journey, but we came through the storm and we are ever so grateful for the little boy our Isaac is turning in to.  I would also rather him act up now, rather than when he is older and uncontrollable.  Of course, we are biased, but we are his parents and we are always going to be rooting for him.  We will always be his biggest fans.  We are always going to love him the most even when there may be times he deserves it the least and that is why God made US his parents.  Let's face it, being a parent is easy, said no one ever!!

Part II-Time to Meet Ian!

After I received my epidural I would say that I got in a good 4-5 hours of sleep before my doctor came in and decided to give me some Pitocin to speed things up a bit.  After that, within the hour my water broke (I could not even tell), I was 10cm dilated and it was go time!  Instead of pushing my baby out in 1.5 pushes like I did with Isaac, I took my time and pushed Ian out in about 20 minutes at 9:16 am.  I definitely recommend you take your time when pushing your baby out because I received only two stitches this time in comparison to the 20, yes 20 I received when I delivered Isaac.  I did not have a fever this time around, so there was a lack of urgency to get the baby out due to possible infection and no vacuum this time either, thank goodness! 

Once our baby boy was out he was weighed, measured, given his Apgar score of 9 like his big bro (this is used to assess the health of a newborn immediately after birth; scale from 0-10), given his first bath and was then nestled on my bare chest to get that skin to skin contact.  We also made sure to do the same with daddy so that Ian would have that connection with him as well.  We were then transported up to our post partum room, which became our home for three days. 

We were most apprehensive for the meeting of Isaac and Ian because we did not want our Isaac to feel left out or anxious.  Both grandmas brought him and Isaac being Isaac walked in, saw us and then tried to walk back out because he was upset that we were not home with him.  He eventually came back in and started to warm up.  Once he was calm, we introduced him to his baby brother and he was so sweet with him!  He gave him a kiss and everything and that definitely made our hearts melt. 

Some things we did differently the second time:

• Packed 3 days worth of clothes, pajamas, underwear and hygienic items for daddy
• Packed 2-3 cute baby outfits because we had a little newborn photo session in our delivery room with the hospital photographer
• We waited until my contractions were close together before heading to the hospital so that we would not have to play the waiting game there.  Taking a hot bath prior to leaving definitely helped.
• Hubby ventured out to nearby restaurants to purchase food for himself since the food in the hospital cafeteria is not the best (we are used to flavor and spices).  We also packed healthy snacks.
• My mother in law bought me a super soft robe type cardigan that I could throw over my hospital gown when I had visitors.  I used this for myself and as a nice blanket for Ian to snuggle with me. 
• I took a shower before the nurses gave me the okay.  I knew I was not as damaged as I was with Isaac and taking a shower the night after delivery was the best!  I felt so refreshed and clean!!
• I was very calm.  I think already going through it and knowing what to expect had that effect on me, so instead of panicking we went with the flow, which made for a much more enjoyable experience. 

Funny Story (TMI Alert!):

Ok, this is embarrassing, but what the heck, I have decided to share it all, so here we go!  I believe it was the night after giving birth; I needed to use the restroom.  I am sorry, but after giving birth, going to the restroom is disgusting with all the blood.  Anyway, I would always wait to the last minute to use the restroom and have to run there every time.  Well this time I think I waited a little too long because by the time I got up I started to pee, now this would have been something that the hospital pad could have handled if I didn’t have a bucketful of pee come out of me!  I peed all over my room floor as I was running to the toilet and was like, “Omg, Love I need your help!”  Next thing I heard while in the bathroom was Jon’s voice like, “What the heck happened here?! “  His reaction caused me to crack up.  I was laughing so hard while telling him that I peed myself and he was rightfully disgusted.  He told me how there was blood mixed in with the pee and he did not know how to handle it because it was everywhere.  I told him to get some paper towels and clean it up.  He did that, even got creative, and used the hospital hand sanitizer to wipe down the floor lol.  Did I also mention that this was in the middle of the night?  Without hesitation, the following morning, we asked for housekeeping to come and mop down our floors.  All I can say is man, you know you’re loved when your boo will wipe down a floor that you just peed all over (mixed with blood, eww) in the middle of the night lol!  And yes, we are a crazy couple and family, but that’s why we’re always cracking up!

Round Two!-Part I

No wonder I felt pressure down there!

I cannot believe that it has already been 7 months since I gave birth to our little Ian!  My hubby and I often recap how much easier labor and delivery were this time on me, but the pregnancy, oh man, that was something else!  Honestly, if my first pregnancy was anything like the second, I think that I would only have one kid.  I was sick everyday for most of the day, constantly throwing up (I would often have to pull over at the side of highways to throw up), I lost weight while preggers, the pain I felt was crazy and I was beyond exhausted!  Nevertheless, I would try to suppress it because I still had a toddler to care for and other responsibilities as a wife and friend.  I remember often crying quietly to my hubby and praying for God to help me quickly get through that time because I was extremely grateful and happy to be preggers again, but did not expect the severity of my symptoms. 

Walking throughout the zoo.  38 weeks preggers

Twenty weeks later, I finally stopped throwing up and even though I still experienced intense pain and exhaustion, I felt like a new woman!  One of my besties recommended I use a maternity support belt to help with all the pain on what felt like my pelvic bone.  I definitely heeded her advice because she said that it helped with her pregnancy and I am so glad I did!  It provided the support I needed to be able to walk and maintain an active lifestyle.  I talked to my doctor about this as well and she explained that after having your first child your ligaments stretch, so some women experience intense pressure in their pelvic area and some even describe it as feeling like the baby was going to come out!  Nighttime was the worst though because I was inactive and turning from side to side was such an ordeal.  This is why I barely slept during my second and third trimesters (meanwhile hubby was next to me snoring it up).   I was trying everything from the pregnancy pillow, to sleeping upright in a chair, to heating pads and what made the most difference for me was proper positioning of the pregnancy pillow.  I had to have it between my legs when I lay on my side and that really alleviated the pressure/pain. 

Another reason this pregnancy was very different from my first had to do with a very active toddler named Isaac.  Even though all I wanted to do was sleep, I would struggle through each day for the sake of our son.  I did not want him to suffer or incur any disruption in his routine.  I also kept a watchful eye on lifting Isaac when I became super preggers.  By nature, we are a very touchy family and lifting up our 36-pound toddler for snuggles and kisses is a regular thing.  However, whenever Isaac would come up and say, “Mama, hold me please,” I would try to reply with, “Let’s sit down and we can snuggle.” That somewhat worked for us (I was stubborn and still lifted him a good amount) and if we were out and this happened daddy would take over and carry him easily. 

End of my first full day of contractions

When it was finally go time, instead of the four days of contractions I previously experienced with Isaac, I only had two days worth this time, so I was definitely grateful for that!  I know that sounds crazy, but this appears to be the norm with my labors.  I hope that next time it will just be a day!  I am also contemplating giving birth in water for our third baby (God willing).  When my labor pains were at its worst, I took a hot bath and soaked in the tub and wow, it made such a difference!  Oh yes, and how could I forget having my awesome hubby massage my lower back with two tennis balls.  The force he used to massage my lower back was probably making me black and blue, but I’m sorry, when those contractions came on, they felt amazing!!  

Few hours before it was go time!  In between contractions

As usual, my contractions were most intense at night and by 2 a.m. on February 24; we knew our little angel was coming.  We decided it was time to head to the hospital when my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart.  (In case you were wondering, Isaac was fast asleep when most of this occurred and my parents were at our home well in advance of me giving birth.  This time they knew to travel from Florida with ample time and good thing, because I delivered at 39 weeks.)  As we were walking to our garage I thought Ian was about to make his debut.  I remember crying to my hubby, “OMG I think I’m about to have our baby in the garage, I can’t sit!” (This was in the midst of a major contraction by the way)  Once that contraction passed I was like, “Okay, we need to book it to the hospital so that I can get my epidural. I need that thing now.”  Oh yeah, I was not playing around this time thinking I was going to do this drug free, pshhh!  Fifteen minutes later, we were at trusty Northside Hospital and upon check-in, our nurses asked how they could help me and I remember saying one word, “epidural.”  Thank goodness, I was already 5 cm dilated so they put in the request for my epidural right away.  Once I got that bad boy, it was easy street after that!  I was finally able to sleep and that felt like heaven! 

Getting ready to push

Sleeping away

In Part II I will share what I did differently for delivery and things we improved upon the second time around.