Life with a “Spirited” Toddler

I would say from about 18 months until around 2 years and 7 months old we had a very hmm, let’s see how to say this nicely, a spirited toddler.  What do I mean?  Let me give you some examples.  Have you ever been around a very young child who would scream down the place, throw himself on the floor, pull his hair and scratch his face so viciously that he would draw blood?  Yes, this used to be our son lol!  Oh yes, and let me not forget to mention that he would often do this in public. 

This period was definitely one of the most trying times for my hubby and I as parents and even as a married couple.  We would feel embarrassed, frustrated, hopeless, helpless, confused, saddened and the list of emotions goes on.  The tantrums we experienced were not normal, no, they were epic and by the end of each day, we were exhausted!  We had no clue what to do to end this phase.  However, some things we did know was that these episodes often occurred due to our little one’s inability to express himself/communicate fully.  Some more triggers included if he needed a nap or did not get food fast enough.  Can you say hangry?  Moreover, forget doing something that he did not want to do, oh man. 

I remember we used to say this was retribution for how we behaved as young kids because we definitely believe in karma.  I was the worst toddler (cursing, running around in just underwear and breaking furniture when I got mad) and my hubby was a naughty little boy (he burned down his mom’s backyard with a magnifying glass, something he learned in boy scouts).  I definitely had moments of tears and whenever I felt myself feeling out of control, yes, kids will drive you to this point, I would place him in his crib until I had time to cool down.   Our awesome pediatrician gave us this advice when we asked him how to handle situations like this.  He told us never deal with a toddler when you are angry, instead, put your child in a safe spot and give yourself a time out. 

We also tried everything we could to quell these emotional outbursts, from ignoring, to conceding, to time outs, to spanking, to scolding, to misdirection, to bribery, to hugs and kisses and nothing worked, nada!  We just had to wait it out and that would sometimes be as long as 30 minutes.  The only point where we felt the need to intercede was when he would resort to scratching the skin off his face and his gums.  I would cut his fingernails low so that he would have a difficult time inflicting harm on himself and we would put my hubby’s socks on his arms and tie them like a straight jacked until he calmed down.  Nevertheless, he would still dig into his flesh and gums and always make himself bleed.  I remember taking him to music class several times where it would look like a cat attacked his face (we don’t own a cat) or he fell onto concrete and scratched his face up pretty good.  Not only was this embarrassing, but it was also a constant reminder of what we were dealing with every day, several times a day. 

These tantrums started out occurring only once or twice a week, to a few a day!  We were fed up.  It was so bad that even our parents talked to us about possibly taking him to get a professional diagnosis and help.  That was definitely one of the worst feelings.  We also confined ourselves to home during this period because we were tired of having to deal with people’s stares, the judging looks, the embarrassment of it all and the physical effects it was having on us (trying to restrain a big toddler is a serious workout and you become a punching bag).   I recall taking him with me to one of my doctor’s appointments while preggers and they needed to draw blood from me, so he could not sit on my lap. Well, he was not having that and screamed down the packed doctor’s office.  I had to lift him up while he was kicking and screaming and carry him out.  It also did not help that the entire and I mean the entire waiting room stared us down.  After I buckled him in his car seat, I remember starting the car, calling my husband to tell him what happened and bawling like a baby on the phone to him.  That day I went researching on the mommy boards regarding temper tantrums and reading some of the entries really made me feel better and not so alone.  Another thing, having friends who have been there and done that with their kid(s) helps as well because they can offer advice, relate and not judge you or your kid because they know the deal.

We honestly did not know how we were going to be able to handle our sour patch kid (when he was sweet he was so sweet, but watch out for the sour part!) with a newborn.  We were trying to come up with a game plan for my survival as a stay at home mom.  These were some of the ideas that worked for us: 

-We definitely utilized the grandparents!  They are seriously lifesavers and I honestly do not know what we would do without them because they give us the break and help we need when we were at our wits end. 

-We made a fun playroom for our toddler since I was not about to venture out by myself with him with my huge belly and then have to deal with him physically during a tantrum (his kicking, trying to hit, trying to scratch himself and he’s a big boy as well!).  This helped to dispel any boredom and I used this as a play/learn opportunity. 

-Whenever we did have the courage to venture out, we would make sure it was a very kid friendly environment, but also a place where we could bolt out if need be. 

-We avoided taking him out to restaurants. He just could not handle being there, confined and we were never able to enjoy our meals. 

-And one of the most important things that helped was having a routine.  This made him feel comfortable and secure as he has a difficult time dealing with change.

We eventually became desensitized to temper tantrums on a daily basis that having one a day became a treat for us and we considered that a really really good day!  Then something happened that we immediately took note of, our baby boy was becoming more skilled at communicating, expressing his wants, likes and dislikes and as he began talking up a storm, like magic those epic tantrums disappeared.  It was the most refreshing and joyous feeling ever!!  You want to know the best part?  We finally realized it was just a phase, a long one, but one that we eventually became capable of handling by the grace of God.  Being in that situation and failing repeatedly to find a solution and not giving up taught us about ourselves and about the intense love, we have for our little guy. 

These days, he still has his moments because he is still not even 3 yet, but I wouldn’t consider them tantrums, more like whining and I will take that any day!!  As he matures and gains a better grasp on communicating, he is that sweet, loving son we always saw despite his monstrous blowups.  And before I forget, the way we currently handle discipline issues is by taking away the things that he loves (pacifier, backpack, shoes, blankey).  All we have to do now is say, “I’m going to take away your sneaker shoes,” and he gets his act together (he calls his sneakers, sneaker shoes lol).  That boy loves him some shoes!  In the beginning, we had to follow through and do it to prove that we were not playing around, so now when we say it, he knows we mean business.  Spankings do not and never worked on Isaac, he is a rough and tough kid and would just take it like a G and afterwards give you a look like, Pssh and what.

It has been a long and arduous journey, but we came through the storm and we are ever so grateful for the little boy our Isaac is turning in to.  I would also rather him act up now, rather than when he is older and uncontrollable.  Of course, we are biased, but we are his parents and we are always going to be rooting for him.  We will always be his biggest fans.  We are always going to love him the most even when there may be times he deserves it the least and that is why God made US his parents.  Let's face it, being a parent is easy, said no one ever!!